Ara Ara’s Mind

Welcome to my brain!

Hello to no one reading!

Welcome to my site!

Here I have uploaded most if not all of the short stories and prose I have written in the past. As well as occasionally uploading new things I feel compelled to write. My goal with this website is to navigate and explore my brain in hopes to create a community with the people who find that interesting. I do have a minor subscription to this page which grants you access to excerpts and character exploration from books I am currently writing.

Once again, hello and I hope you enjoy your time here!

Books, Books, Books:

Learning and Connecting:

I have a hard time letting things be. I trust very few people to understand what I am saying and at some point my words fail them as well. I have struggled with knowing if I want this aspect about me to change. Do I want to be digestible to every person I know and connect with? Do I want everyone to understand me? What is the cost of this? How will my image change? How will that affect the care and love I receive from the people around me?

Ultimately, I landed on this: I should not be so afraid to speak. I shouldn’t fear what I could say or how what I might say will be perceived or taken. I have gotten used to saying whatever I wanted and regretting it later without having to apologies or confront, truly, the things I have said wrong. Often this has made me hot tempered and difficult to have a conversation with. I want to match the energy that is thrown my way so badly that I forget what my goal or wants were from the conversation.

I say a lot of stuff I don’t mean and have grown to regret. Or I often reflect on situations I could have handled better. I am trying to be honest about this despite how uncomfortable it makes me to share this fact about myself. Communication and conversation has never been my strong suit, and I understand that in my aging and growing I will need to actively work to amend this. Yet and still it feels impossible, to be the bitch, to press when needed, to be truthful despite fear.

I am obviously thinking about it too much. Applying too much pressure to perform something that has always come natural to me. Honesty. It’s the only way I know how to connect with other people and the only thing I expect from every person I know. It is the only thing I can give in return. Sometimes, though, it’s not enough and I have to deal with that. Understand that sometimes it’s just not the right time or the right place, or even the thing the person will need in the moment.

I cannot definitively say what this means for me. Maybe I am unequipped, maybe I am out of touch, maybe this only means I have room to grow. Until I figure it out, all I can do is listen, understand, and craft a response I’m proud of.

All I can do is think b4 I move.